| Life Experience - Why the lies |
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I have read many books about other’s lifes experiences and have learned so much from them. I figured it was time to tell about my own observations so that maybe someone can learn from what I have experienced, good and bad. I have been so many things in my life. A mother, a daughter, a wife, a girlfriend, a fiancé, a bartender, a bodybuilder, a public speaker, a secretary, a sister, a stripper, a drug addict, and a counselor. Probably the most important part of my life came when I over came a severe addiction to methamphetamine and became a drug intervention speicalist. You see, I was an addict but also I have loved an addict. Both of these things will literally rip your life apart. The lies upon lies that a person tells when they are addicted and the lies upon lies a person endures when they love an addict can and will harden a person to truth. It’s staggering to try and comprehend. I’m always surprised when I speak to parents about their loved ones addiction. I hear the lies and I try to communicate to the family which are lies and which are truth but it’s very difficult. I know because I understand the burning desire to believe what a person says. When you are an addict you lie to hide the problem. When you love an addict you believe the lies because that is easier than dealing with the addiction. Only the lies you try to believe you can feel are exactly that….lies, lies…..lies! Why cant we just see through to the truth, accept that the person is lying and handle the situation or disconnect from it? That’s the 10 million dollar question in my world. One that may never be answered, but I will try. If you are a mother you probably have a full understanding of knowing that person you love is lying, but not wanting to call them a liar. The love I feel, and I do feel it deep down in my chest, for my children, explains a lot to me regarding the firm belief in what they say. Maybe it’s just a desire to believe plain and simple. Even though the lies a person can spin are mostly hurtful and ugly, we as parents or family members of loved ones that do lie, want so badly to believe their lies we convince ourselves that they MUST be telling the truth, or maybe partially the truth because that’s better than the alternative. The alternative being that they are down right liars and we are the ones suffering from what they say and do. It’s difficult to accept. Part of loving a person (I prefer admiring a person as to love) is trust. Those of us who have had our trust broken know what that feels like. It’s almost a shock, or maybe it is a shock to realize that the person we totally trust is lying. Having that realization hurts. What do we do with the pain? We explain it away. We cover for them. We begin being like them, lying for them, so that others will not know what they do. We begin to justify all that they say. We do not FACE the truth. Why is that? Because it hurts! That’s why. What I know about addicts is that they do lie. They say they don’t, but they are truly willing to say whatever they need to say to get out of trouble, get dope, get money for dope or food, to not look like a liar. The people around them know they are lying but just cant bring themselves to call them out on it. And of course when you do, they make a thousand excuses and different justifications or tell a new story that causes you to question whether you are correct about their lying at all. And then what happens? We are right back to square one. The problem here is that once trust is broken, it’s broken. Thereafter, every story you hear you question. And for good reason. When you get conditioned to a persons lies you hide from them like a child not wanting to be in trouble. It stings to feel the distrust that you know you have so you just explain it away, hoping that you are wrong in what you are feeling. Trust me on this, you’re not wrong. You’re absolutely right NOT to believe what they say. The only time you can believe an addict when they are talking is when they are asking for help and even then sometimes they are lying. Sometimes they ask for help because they are in pain and they want the pain to go away, but the actual on it, is that they are probably out of drugs. Asking for help takes the focus off the pain, but then when they score more dope, they are off and running again, lying to everyone, and talking about, “I’m not done” or “I don’t have a problem”. Do you actually believe they don’t have a problem? I don’t! Why? Because I know! I have been that addict. We ask for help if we are in trouble or if we run out of dope and money. Then all of the sudden we need and want help. It only takes 2 seconds to get high again and be just fine and dandy and have no desire for help or to stop. My point here is that if you have someone in your life with an addiction you need to take a close look at what you are doing to solve the problem. If your believing their lies, then you are not helping the situation. Dealing with an addiction is harder than ignoring the problem. At least from a family standpoint, that is, until the problem solves itself and that usually includes funeral expenses. If you don’t know what to do….ask! I promise that there is someone out there that can and will help and guide you in the right direction. Thankfully, someone guided my family to actual help. Otherwise, I would be buried in the family plot. This is not a joke. It’s real life, and it’s ugly sometimes. There is a light at the end of what seems to be a never ending tunnel. It’s called hope. There is hope. There is a solution. You have to look for it! |
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